Tuesday, 2 July 2013

First post. Don't really have a heading so this will be it.

                                                    These anxieties, they're killing me,
                                                    The anxieties about a tomorrow,
                                                    A tomorrow filled with uncertainties.

So while I lay in bed, and try, try very hard to sleep,my heart seems to pound right out the blanket. There is much doubt, much guilt. ''Have I utilised today? Have I done justice to everyone around me?'' I ask myself, and yet the answer is even more confusing than the question. I think of the things that make me happy, of all the wonderful people in my life and funny  as it may seem, this thought scares me. What if I don't fulfil their expectations? What if they're expecting someone I know I can't be? What if.......? There are much too many ifs in my head. My head is pounding like my heart, as fast as time, as faint as memories. My state of mind is the only clear thing to me, because I know for sure that it is in the state of confusion. 

So I sit down and put these thoughts to a more suitable place, where they can rest and so can I. So I write, and the pen and paper, like beautiful bliss, like the warmth of pleasant things, put me in a more comfortable place and so I rest. 
                                 For I put in these pen and paper, my trust and share my pain.
                                 And in these lifeless things I put my life,
                                 And it is these lifeless things
                                 From which peace I gain.

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